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It is obviously important to nurture a young child’s self-esteem. Unfortunately, nurturing self-esteem is a rather difficult and tricky affair. There are some ideas that clearly make sense, such as not belittling a child and praising him when he does something good. However, children do not always do good things and occasionally require some correction and guidance. So how do you provide that without making the child feel bad about himself?
培养孩子的自尊肯定是非常重要的。但糟糕的是,培养自尊不容易而且不好拿捏。既有的观念很明显是说的通的,比如不要贬低一个孩子,在他做了对的事情的时候要赞扬。但宝宝并不总是会做对事情,他们时不时的需要纠正和引导。那么你怎么能做到指正错误又不会让他们对自己感觉很糟?
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What I have always found to be effective and relatively easy to implement is a simple rule. When your child does something improper, make sure you criticize the behavior instead of him. So as opposed to what may be a natural inclination to say, “You are a bad boy,” indicate to him that “You did a bad thing.”
我已经发现了一个行之有效的简单规则。当你的宝宝做错事情时,一定要批评这个行为而不是宝宝(所谓对事不对人)。也就是和我们通常会脱口而出的“你是个坏孩子”相反,要对他说“你做了件不对的事。”
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When your child misbehaves, it is perfectly understandable that you may find it impossible to refrain from being annoyed, frustrated, or angry. And it is unfair and unrealistic for you to hold in your emotions all the time. But by labeling the behavior rather than the child as bad, you avoid encouraging him to develop the idea that he possesses an inherently unpleasant personality. More importantly, you leave him with the clear impression that you believe he is capable of behaving properly and is not incorrigible.
当你的宝宝行为不当时,你难以从愤怒、挫败和气愤中保持淡定,这很正常。而且让你永远都控制住自己的情绪不公平也不现实。但是将宝宝的行为标示为不好,而不是宝宝本身,你就避免了令宝宝滋生自己天生就是一个不讨人喜欢的人的想法。而且更重要的是,你对他清晰的表明,你相信他可以做好,而不是不可救药。
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